Mortgage

Just arrived from Yaba's house. I'm with my officemate to assess a portion of his property 'coz he wanted to mortgage it to our office. The value of the given property did not suffice the amount we aim to mortgage the property. Have to talk to Mom instead if she would allow the rest of the property to be mortgaged. Of course, as expected, Mom didn't approve. She wanted for yaba to talk to his other siblings. I saw his face and it turned red and then blank. I know i have somehow placed him on the spot and he would not want us to hear what Mom has to say about what we planned in the improvement of his property as a cause of the mortgage. He looked away and i could see that he would not have wanted to hear what Mom and my officemate are talking about. He just somehow smiled and looked at me signaling that it would be best if we would just go out. I was devastated for him 'coz he meant no harm about it. But the years we are asking for the mortgage to be paid is quite long. I know that if ever that mortgage will be pushed through, he'll be tied to me no matter what. I will have to hold the documents until it was redeemed.

On the way out before i entered the car, i asked him if he'd come tonight. And he said, no. Not yet. The situation is not yet ok so it would be best if he would not come. Although i expected it but it hurts for me to know that despite of all the things i've done to him and all the things i've been through, he still doesn't have the strength to fight for me. As if he always knew that i'll always be there and he can come and go as he pleases. He knew that i'll always wait in the background. I was beginning to be pissed off. If i can just ask God to let me forget about him this instant, i will. But instead, sill as it may seem, i'm still clinging to him to whatever hope there is for us. I hope and pray that time will come soon for him to be a man and decide for us.