Holiday

It's holiday today here in the Philippines. The President moved the holiday celebration again...as always. I think it's supposed to be on Wednesday but it's moved again. Well, the government always moved the holidays so we don't know what occassion will it should be unless we watch news on TV. I'm beginning to think that maybe we'll all woke up and our Christmas has been moved to a different date! Hahaha!

I'm at work and it's kinda boring but i don't want to stay at home. I don't know what to do as of the moment so i opeted to write my blog again. Maybe, it's a way of communicating to others when you don't know whom to talk to. Hehe! Maybe that's the irony of blogging.

I'm waiting for a call when the PDIC will release it's claim form again for the G7B closure. I hope i'll get one with a much nearer date. So long for now. i'll just think of something to work on today... Hope i'll have a great day today!

Though day

This has been a tough day today. Today is pay day, i'm almost in a run althroughout the day. A collegue of mine is not around so i have to do some of his job. Whew! My day hasn't ended yet. I'm still at work. I just took a pause from the huge pile of office work.

I haven't slept well last night. I'm hoping that my bf will reply to my texts. Not knowing how he is for the day makes me worry sometimes. Well, he texted me this morning explaining why he can't reply last night. I was then beginning to think of so many things as i waited for his reply. Call it a paranoia.
I'm beginning to associate the things that i'm feeling very often towards my life with some wrong decisions i made. At some point i'm regretting it. I don't know how will i change the things i've done.

Appreciation

So good to finally got a chance to write here again. I've been kinda busy these past days and we don't have an internet connection for the past 2 days. The service provider has told us that the line was stolen. Huh! It's a pity that people nowadays sometimes resort to doing crimes just to survive.

Well then, i want to say thank you to reylit to had commented me and somehow enlightened me with my grievances in my last post. I feel to terrible that time. My work has somehow suffered from my problems in life and at home. As of now, i feel thankful for each and every day. I know that each day the Lord God gave me is a gift. I know that there maybe some hardships i might encounter during the day but i just keep on praying that may He be beside me and walk with me in my journey through life.

I hope that my optimism with life will stay.

My dear bf just went at my home last night and we spent some good times together. I miss him 'coz i haven't seen him for a couple of days. He says he's too busy with his farm, shop, restoring his vw and his dog house. I know he misses me too.

At times i'm wonderng what psychology will i use to understand men? It seems that they are too hard to understand. Maybe, they misunderstood women also. Hahaha! Can someone please help me understand men?

Blurr

As what my blog name says, it's blurr mind. We'll its really been a blurr. i'm kinda messed up today. I don't know how to straighten things up. Sometimes, it's too bad when you do things the rational way..not by feeling it. Got messed up with my bf 'coz i've been bugging him last night.

It's not just that. I'm in a wrong relationship and i know that it won't be right. Everything is a blurr since i don't know what i'll do with my messed up life.

Let me get to the issues one by one. I'm 30 with a good job but i don't think i'll grow here. It is quite a hard job that whenever i am about to fill up any personal data form, i don't know what i'll write in my job description. It sucks and it's already a blurr!!!!

Then, at my age, i'm still single and i have a mom who's sick and a brother who just met an accident and can't work! In other words, i'm the one who's providing them with their needs! I don't earn that much to finance all their needs. I also have grandparents and aunts who continuously come to our house to lend some money. It's hard refusing them all the time especially if their in need. Not to mention my younger brother who has a family now but is still studying. He has a baby and i'm the one financing his studies...of course, i also give some to his family's needs. Hmmm...

I also am suffering from endometriosis. I've undergone operation last July 2007 and is still having symptoms of the illness. My doc says that i should have a baby at this point but it's hard for me. I really wanted one. Selfishly aside, i know that when i have a family of my own, everything will be better. Maybe, my mom and my brother will strive too for themselves, my grandparents and aunts will somehow stop bugging me and my younger brother will have a bone to start living his family on his own. Most importantly, i've been in a blurr because of wrong relationships...

At 30, i had a bf who's separated, have a kid and a gf aside from me. At first, i agreed on the relationship because i was broken hearted from my last relationship and i think it's will be ok if i stayed with him as long as there's "no strings attached". I was so destressed and numb at that time. At first, i thought that our relationship will last for only 3months. But it's more than two years now... and the situation is still the same. Maybe through the years, i've learned to love him. I don't know what's wrong with me since i decided to enter and stay in this kind of relationship. Another thing is... a married man wants to have an affair with me. He's rich, he says he loves me for so many years he's been with me. I don't want that affair! At times, i feel that i'm just pretending things that's happening around me.

So you see, everything in my life as of this period is a blurr! It's a criss cross situation with a criss cross emotions and with a ****ing Life!

I've decided to have this blog 'coz i wanted to unload some things that i can't tell anyone and it would be hard for me to comprehend if i'd just sit and think of it. I know writing is a good way to release emotions...especially those neg ones.

Also, maybe through blogging, i'd be able to find someone who would understand me and encourage me through life...